Texas Whitecaps

 

Halloween silliness with a buddy

Houston’s 2^nd Fall came just in time for 2021’s Halloween. If you’re not familiar with Houston, you may be wondering what 2^nd Fall is. It’s one of the eight or so Autumn weather patterns that Houston gets in a season. There are usually a few summers thrown in between, just to keep the plants guessing. And if you’re a plant, you really understand Houston’s five Springs—also interspersed with a few summers and winters. I loved living in Maryland in the late 90s, where I finally got to experience life with four full seasons. We only get two seasons in Texas: hot and hotter. We do get winter in all honesty. It lasts about two weeks. But not in a row.

Of course Texas is as large as the ego of a spoiled heiress. The weather can vary greatly in this large state: from our desert southwest to the frigid winter plains of the Panhandle, down to the flat tabletop we call the valley, which is pretty much summer all year long (at least to those native to the wintry arctic tundra that the Panhandle gets from time to time).

I moved back to Texas in 2014 after nineteen years away, and this is first Halloween that has felt like fall—the way Halloween should feel—since my return. It’s usually pretty hot here in October; there’s nothing like decorating for Fall in 90 degree temperatures. But Texas kids are tough. Even the two years in a row that it rained, I thought surely I was going to be stuck with enough candy to change my name to Wonka. But as is typical in my neighborhood, my supplies exhausted early enough to shut down the lights and turn up the horror movies on my TV to drown out the continuing doorbell chimes from the late-callers. You snooze you lose, kids. Or in most cases at that time of night, not so much kids, as young men in hoodies holding out pillow cases who will surely be eating their spoils in the high school lunch room all the next week. But I’m not judging. If I could get away with it, I’d be still be extorting candy in my old age.

House of horrors

I’m always impressed at how unaffected the tiny ones are by the horror I display in my yard. I guess the lure of free candy is greater than fearing imitations of Hell. My poor neighbors, having to endure a month of my heads on stakes, spooky graveyard, bats and witches. Still in recovery mode from the covids and physically unable to accomplish reaching the high horror-decoration standards I set for myself, I decided that this year I would go minimal: just throw a few strings of lights on the bushes and set up my Jack-o-lanterns in the front window. I had to do something since the kids these days have a new modus operandi for trick-or-treating: they only get out of the car at the homes with decorations.

Then my brother and his wife invited me to their Friday night Halloween Eve party in Austin. This would be perfect. I could simply unplug my lights and not have to worry about kids showing up at my house, or the fact that I couldn’t unpack my illusions of fear kept in plastic tubs-o-horror in the garage. With the porch light off I could escape for a bootiful weekend scaring up some fun and...well...booze, in Austin. (I love it when grapes wine.) The pity of finally having fall arrive in Houston for Halloween night was that I would leave town. I’d be missing the perfect weather for the candy hunt. It reminds me of missing school when the substitute teacher was filling in.

A cold-front hits Houston

The cold-front hit on a Wednesday following a nice line of heavy rain moving in from the northwest. On Thursday the proverbial windows were opened to let a fierce wind blow through Texas, complete with wind advisories. This is the day I left for Austin, which is mostly west of Houston. For a good portion of the drive, the headwind was such that even though my cruise control was set for 80, it was holding at 74. I’m not saying that I was speeding. I think 80 might be a lower number than 75, which may or may not have been the speed limit. And if you’re Texas law enforcement, I take liberties with the stories I write and was only going the legal speed limit. Which is 75 except for the cute little speed traps along the way, where I seem to be the only person who actually slows down for them. That’s not taking liberties, it’s called getting old and wondering out loud to the cars passing me so quickly, why are you going so fast? It says 60, not 85! Speed traps aren’t as dangerous as when I was driving so fast in my younger days.

I enjoy the drive between Houston and Austin. There are some slow rolling hills, low Texas mesquite trees, lots of flowers during spring, and passing over the mighty Brazos River excites the native Texan in me. This is the longest river that flows entirely in Texas, with its watershed stretching from New Mexico to the Gulf of Mexico. The full name of the river is Rio de los Brazos de Dios, which roughly translates to “That's a very powerful and inspiring name.” That’s what the internet said; and we all know we can trust that. I do believe, in actuality, that it translates to, “The arms of God.” It was upon the shores of this river in the settlement of Washington that Texas declared its independence from Mexico. I realize this has nothing to do with my story, but I do love Texas history and I bet you didn’t know any of that.

So not only did the constant easterly gale slow my roll up highway 290, it may have pushed all of the water in the Brazos River on down into the Gulf of Mexico. While that may be a Texas tall tale, what isn’t is the fact that the retention ponds and small lakes along the route were covered in white caps. Actual white caps the likes of which I have never seen when not viewing the ocean or one of the Great Lakes of the Northern US. And the winds affected not only water, but traffic. While watching the vehicles with trailers get pushed around the road like a bully in the school lunch line was fun, it was nothing like seeing retention ponds as small as my bedroom topped with white caps. And I swear the east-bound traffic was getting a solid push with that tail wind.

White caps on the Atlantic

There was little traffic between the two Texas cities, which was nice. For once it actually took the three hours to drive to my brother’s that I always say it does—and should—but usually takes closer to four with pee breaks and heavy traffic. (Another sign of increasing age: multiple pee breaks for a three-hour drive.) I think the guy in the big U-Haul truck enjoyed the lack of traffic as well. He passed me in excess of 15MPH over the speed limit, swerving from lane to lane in the wind like a drunk man leaving the scene of a crime. “Don’t hit me, bro.”

After wondering if I shouldn’t have stayed home to drive in conditions that didn’t have me practically crabbing like a private plane in a cross-wind, it was nice to pull in front of my family’s home. I love Halloween and for years I’ve wanted to spend it with my young nephews before they grow out of their prime trick-or-treating years. But as much as I love being home to hand out treats surrounded by my scary decorations, those in pursuit of free candy, decked out in their princess, super-hero, alien, monster, zombie, and hoodie costumes will be there year after year. My nephews window for acceptable trick-or-treating years slowly closes. I may still think of them as needing help going to the restroom, even after correcting my math to remind me that they are nearing middle school—they grow up so fast. They won’t be dressing up much longer and I’m not getting any younger. To them, I must be about 80 years old. Kids these days. I think I should spend the next few Halloweens in Austin. So during this time, best witches.

Texas: all 4 seasons on the same day.

Penguin’s List of The Fourteen Seasons of Houston Weather:

February 1-10 Calico season (a bit of winter, fall and a few days of summer)

February 11-March 15 Spring

March 16- April 30 Hot

May-Jun Summer

July-August Liquid Air Summer (high humidity abounds)

September Enough Summer Already, Please

October 1-10 Fall for everyone but Houston where it’s still summer

October 11- 18 Thank the gods it’s finally Fall

October 19-31 The Return of Summer

November 1-15 Fall

November 15-30 Summer’s farewell visit

December 1-10 Fall part 3

December 11-20 Potluck: perhaps Winter. Or maybe Fall. Summer is quite possible.

December 21-January 30 Two weeks of winter but not in a row. Other wise, Fall.

 

 

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