A Wonderful World of Fun:

Hanging out with Buggs and Wile E.

Early in the summer of 2024, a friend of mine expressed an interest in getting a season pass to Splashtown and suggested I do so as well. As fun as that sounded, I hadn’t been to a water park since my senior year in high school. That was in 1986, when our senior class took a school-sponsored end of year day off to bob, slide, and swim.

Splashtown is a water park in Spring, a Houston suburb north of the city, and only six miles from my front door. At some point, the Six Flags corporation bought, or became overseers of Splashtown, but like early Christians converted Pagans more easily by incorporating their traditions, Six Flags Hurricane Harbor retained Splashtown in the name. It helps ease confusion.

An old map of Astroworld

I haven’t had a Six Flags season pass since college. That’s when Astroworld was still a thing. For those of you not in the know, Astroworld was a park among parks when it came to theme parks and roller coasters. It opened the summer after my birth on 57 acres across the freeway from the Eighth Wonder of the World, the Houston Astrodome. It was wonderful when after classes, with an afternoon free, I could drive ten minutes away and catch a few rides, even if just for a few hours. 

Astroworld wasn’t the first theme park in America in 1968. Six Flags over Texas opened in August, 1961, and then Disney World opened later, in October, 1971. Astroworld introduced many firsts, such as Thunder River, the first successful river rapids ride, and the Alpine Sleigh Ride, which blew refrigerated air of only ten degrees over guests, making it the first of it’s kind. Astroworld was also the first park to house a Water World on property.

Other Astroworld firsts: Six Flags park to be purchased and not built, double-armed Ferris wheel (Astrowheel), first successful suspended-swinging coaster (XLR8), and world's tallest looping ride (SWAT). And one fun fact greatly unknown to most is that the bridge crossing the 610 freeway from the parking lot to the park, was the only privately-owned bridge with public access to cross an interstate highway. 

Overview photo of Astroworld towards the end

Astroworld had the largest outdoor air conditioned system in the world, venting 2,400 tons of cool air in shaded areas, where patrons waited in line for rides in the dreaded heat and humidity of Houston summers. Six Flags took control in 1975, the year they opened the Texas Cyclone, a high-speed wooden roller coaster modeled after the one at Coney Island. I was at the park for the grand opening and rode it the first day it was open to the public. It was a mean coaster.

Posing with ex Astroworld security employees

Six Flags Astroworld has played a large role in my summer of 2024. I recently joined a FaceBook group dedicated to the old park, which is where I learned of a reunion of Astroworld employees. I was not employed by Astroworld per se, but I was a sergeant for the company that provided concert security at the park’s Southern Star Amphitheater, and at in-park stage shows during the seasonal October Fright Fests. 

I loved the many hours spent working at the park back stage. It’s where I met Jimmy Buffet, and was invited to drink leftover 'ritas from a row of his Margarita machines. I also had a conversation with Mark Knoffler of Dire Straights about fireworks just before he took stage. At Fright Fest, I worked security at a stage at the base of the AstroNeedle for a magic show. I saw that show so often I figured out all of his tricks. Fun fact on the AstroNeedle, as the tallest ride in the park, when it opened under the name Skyrama, it was one of the tallest rides in the world. And learning about the employee cafeteria changed my life when going to the park as a patron, for the money saved on food.

A stylized image of the Astrodomain I created

Six Flags Astroworld died in 2005, citing performance issues and parking conflicts with the Texan's football team. It was closed and immediately demolished. The board, in turn, instantly fired the man who did this, but there was no turning back. They tried to reverse the deal he made to sell the land to no avail. After expecting upwards of $150 million, and after spending $20 million for demolition, only $77 million was received.

Nineteen years later, the land that was supposed to earn more profit as a shopping center is still vacant. It’s used as a parking lot during the Houston Rodeo, lauded as the largest rodeo in the world. And now Houston, the 4^th largest city in the US, has no major theme park.

So at the suggestion of obtaining a season pass, broke as I was, I saw it as a great opportunity for therapy, as I continue to recover from the debilitating effects of long-COVID. To spend money on a pass would get me out of the house and into the sun, offer a chance to have fun, and socialize with people. They offered a free upgrade to the top tier Diamond level for $90, and it’s valid at all parks in the Six Flags family. I could go to any park as often as I desired; it was a bargain, and paid for itself after 3 visits. For another $120, I could also have 2 meals a day every time I visit any of the parks. Even parking and an all you can drink cup was part of the deal.

As a newly appointed board member of my local water district, I was to attend a conference in Fort Worth, Texas. Six Flags over Texas, the original theme park, is in Arlington, a city between Ft. Worth and Dallas. I used to go often when I was a kid. It’s where I saw Duran Duran, one of my favorite bands in 1986, the year I graduated high school in Dallas. A trip to Six Flags would certainly add more value to my 2024 season pass. Oh, and there is a Hurricane Harbor park across the highway to explore as well.

From the Oil Derrick looking East

When I discovered how light the park attendance was scheduled to be the Wednesday preceding the conference, I chose to leave a day early. Traffic north on I-45 was a breeze, leaving the house at 7AM. I was at the park at 10:20, and parked on the first row, mere feet from the entrance. I rode 29 rides that day, enjoying 8 rides on the Mr. Freeze, 5 on Batman the Ride, and 3 on Titan (more on this below). For lunch I enjoyed a sliced brisket sandwich with waffle fries. At dinner I ordered two tacos, barbacoa and shredded chicken. Deeee-lish!

Tacos were delish on flour tortillas

The view from my hotel room of the park

The first function of the conference wasn’t until 5:30 PM Thursday. I spent all day Wednesday and returned Thursday, leaving the park at 3:30PM, to check into the conference hotel room and shower. My mileage to Dallas was paid for and the meals were included. There was no money involved in getting into the park, and the two meals a day covered my lunch and dinner. The only expense was for hotels on the nights that didn’t include the conference. I found a hotel across from the park with a great view of the Judge Roy Scream roller coaster for $45 a night, which included breakfast. During my week in North Texas I spent zero dollars on meals. 

The view from my Omni hotel room in Ft. Worth

The hero that I am

I dedicated four days to Six Flags and one at Hurricane Harbor, and all I had to pay for was 4 nights in an inexpensive hotel. I rode 28 rides a total of 93 times. (See below for the breakdown.) The park was nearly empty the 1^st Wednesday, and not much worse on Thursday. Sunday was Father’s Day, and it wasn’t very crowded; I rode 22 rides. The second Wednesday was the worst for crowds. The park was at 74%. The website that showed 12% the week before couldn’t have been more wrong. There were lines for food and drinks that were as long as those for rides.

Sunday began by riding Titan 8 times. Even the ride operators were stunned that I just kept going. I finally stopped because my body demanded it. With my hands in the air, I braced myself by spreading me knees apart. That innocent combination on the 2^nd plunge tweaked my back and caused a great deal of pain. I slowly pried myself out of the car, and left with a pained smile and a wave. I spent much of the rest of Sunday riding easier rides, like going up the Oil Derrick, spinning on the Sidewinder, and riding the train. Before closing, I was finally feeling well enough to ride the New Texas Giant 5 times.

Scrambler, Aquaman, and Sky Screamer

Monday I chose to check out Hurricane Harbor (HH). In all, I prefer Splashtown (ST), however, there were things HH did better. Their Diamond reserved seating area is FAR superior to ours at ST. In Arlington, the area is shaded by a large tent on a raised island in the middle of a large wading pool. It was great to have such a nice area to sit and keep my things. I napped for nearly an hour that afternoon. Around the island is a waterfall into the wading pool, and behind the waterfall is a bench. I went down and sat behind the waterfall in the shade. They also had a really cool ride called the Black Hole, but the line after opening grew to over an hour, so I only rode it once.

The Oasis, for Diamond Pass members

In fact, Monday at HH was horrible because everyone was there. I guess they heard I would be there. The lines were long on all the rides. I was glad I got there at opening and was able to ride things before the lines got too bad. 

The other things better about HH, though: the food is superior overall, but the fries at ST are better. Their racer has more turns, so I liked that, but their ride pads were thinner and thus I only rode twice, because when hitting the water at the bottom of the hill, I hurt my knee and junk. ST also has a higher and steeper slide, and our winding lazy river has shade, where HH is just a square-ish river with no shade at all. And HH allows swimmers to hold onto the side of the wave pool and go literally 2 feet from the back wall. Swimmers at ST aren’t allowed to hold onto the sides, and the rope keeps people at least 20 feet from the back wall. 

The Black Hole ride

Tasty pizza and garlic knots

The food at both Six Flags (6F) was also superior to ST. Their pizza comes with garlic knots that were heavenly, and marinara for dipping. Ours just comes with fries. The tacos were great, until suddenly on 2^nd Wednesday they switched to corn tortillas. At ST, they started with corn and switched to flour after the complaints. 6F had great BBQ beef sandwiches, pulled pork, great nachos, wonderful chili cheese and bacon hot dogs, and a decent Buffalo chicken sandwich, which they called a Nashville hot chicken sandwich. Last time I checked, Nashville was nowhere near Buffalo. I never tried a burger at 6F, even though there was a Johnny Rockets. Had I not had a burger for dinner on Tuesday, I might have had one on 2^nd Wednesday. 

While in Fort Worth I took advantage of my conference ending at 2PM Saturday to visit the Ft. Worth Stockyards. It was miserable with the number of tourists and the heat. I hoped to catch a train ride along the Trinity River, but they were sold out for the day. My visit to Billy Bob’s, the world’s largest honky tonk, was only brief enough to say I was there. I would have stayed to see the evening Rodeo, but my fatigue kicked in, causing me to return to my hotel to rest. I then enjoyed a swim in the Omni hotel’s rooftop pool as the sun set.

At Billy Bob's 

The tourists watch the cattle round up

The train I had hoped to ride

I didn’t lose them on any of the roller coasters, but what blew my socks off was that both parks were closed Tuesdays. And Six Flags Over Texas closed at 7PM during the week, 8PM on Sunday. When I was a kid, I remember the thrill of riding coasters at night, which was a whole new experience. There were fireworks each night, too. I guess they are saving a lot of money by shaving off nearly 20 hours a week and not having to buy all those fireworks.

Fort Worth Water Gardens

Fortunately I have a dear friend in Dallas, Leta. She was nursing a shoulder after surgery, so while the parks rested, I spent the day with her. Leta’s husband cooked burgers and I got to see her sister, Beth. I always love visiting Leta. She was my teacher in high school, and became my advisor when I got into student politics. Now that Mom is gone, she says she’s my surrogate mother, and I’m fine with that.

Yee Haw! 

The huge crowds and heat on 2^nd Wednesday had me feeling ready to leave at 4PM. I managed 26 rides, and after the hour it took to get dinner, I walked out of the park just before 6PM. After an hour on the road, I had to pull over in a rest stop south of Corsicana to nap for an hour. Fatigue is real, folks. I got home just after 10PM. 

It was a great week catching up on the last 24 years of my life spent without riding roller coasters. My passion was awakened last year at the rodeo, when I rode a few thrill rides there, but they were nothing like those at 6F. I felt like a teenager again, until my body reminded me that I am in my fifties. Narrowing down my favorite ride is difficult, but I think it would have to be the New Texas Giant, followed by Titan and Mr. Freeze, with Superman and Batman the Ride bringing up the rear. I learned a lot at my conference, enjoyed time with Leta, and loved spending a week--as the Astroworld ads used to say--in a wonderful world of fun.

The stats: 

Six Flags over Texas:  4 days- June 12, 13, 16, & 18 =  29 hours

Hurricane Harbor:  1 day- June 17=  7 hours

Hotel stays:  Omni Fort Worth, Sleep Inn Arlington

Miles driven: 441

Ya-hoos: 42

Yee-haws: 35

I'mma dies: 2

I remember this': 18

My favorite rides:

• 

  Giant's front car

  New Texas Giant- 16 times. A 1990 ride revamped in 2011. The new version is a vast improvement, making it a hybrid wooden/steel coaster. It climbs 153 feet and drops 147, at 79 degrees. It goes 65 mph, and has over-banked turns ranging from 90-115 degrees. Awesome AF. 

The Giant from above

• Titan- 11 times. This beast drops 255 feet at a speed of 85 mph. It was the tallest and fastest in Texas when it opened in 2001, and became one of the top 10 coasters in the US. I wish I’d ridden it more, but there were often lines, and it was a long walk. Had my back not gone wonky, I would have ridden at least 5 more times.

Titan and the stadiums beyond the parking lot

• Mr. Freeze- 16 times. This beautiful ride launches to 70 mph in under 4 seconds, climbs to 218 feet and drops 194 before retracing the track backwards. It opened in 1998, but was planned to open with the 1997 release of Batman and Robin, with Arnold Schwarzenegger and George Clooney scheduled to open and be the first to ride it. Lunch problems delayed the opening to the 1998 season. I’m not sure what Arnie and George rode instead.

• 

  Batman the Ride

  Batman the Ride- 8 times. This inverted coasted wowed me with 2 loops and 2 cork screws. It’s an inverted coaster, debuting in 1992, when awarded Coaster Landmark status. It has a G-force of 4, which is probably why I didn’t ride it more than 8 times; it was also rough on my ears, hitting the safety bars. As fun as it was, it was rough on the mind. It has an 85 foot drop at a speed of 50 mph and inverts 5 times. 

• Superman Tower of Power- 9 times. I don’t like drop rides and didn’t even attempt to ride this on 1^st Wednesday. I regret that. This magnificent ride could actually be my second favorite. It’s certainly great on a hot afternoon for the amount of breeze you enjoy as you shoot 177 feet into the air at 55 miles per hour. There is then a moment of weightlessness before falling halfway down, and bouncing a few times. The ride then lifts to the top of the tower. The brakes release for a 2^nd moment of weightlessness, and it drops for a few more bounces before bringing you down to the ground. The views are breathtaking; you can see both downtowns of Dallas and Fort Worth. I could have ridden another 9 times were it not for the long lines. 

Superman in action

Superman blast-off

Rides I rode one time:

• Pirates of Speelunker’s Cave, only because of my back, but it was fun, despite the annoying music.

• 

  On the Bamboo Shoot with a date in the 80s

  El Aserradero, the original and first log ride. It was broken down during much of my time there. I’m glad I rode it Sunday- it was closed 2^nd Wednesday, and the line was long on Thursday. I don’t know why they gave it such a complicated name. Everyone called it the Log Ride, and at Astroworld (AW) it was the Bamboo Shoot. 

• Dino Off Road Adventure, which shocked me because they wouldn’t allow me to ride alone. I wound up meeting the nicest woman who rode in back with me, while her college-age son drove. It wasn’t off-road, by the way, but it was reminiscent of the old cars at Astroworld. The dinosaur animatronics were fun.

• Silver Star Carousel, because why not? It was too crowded 2^nd Wed to do much else.

• El Sombrero, which was the Wagon Wheel at AW, and was one of my favorite rides as a kid.

• La Vibora, which always had a long ride, but I didn’t like it. It beat me up and didn’t offer as much fun as other rides.

• El Diablo, once was enough. I love going upside down, but not just sitting there upside down.

• Roaring rapids, were boring, but I met a nice guy from Texas who had never seen the beach and wanted to hear my advice on visiting Texas Beaches.

• Runaway Mine Train, brought back memories of riding this steel coaster, built in 1966, and the park’s oldest coaster, with my cousin Leslie as kids. Her parents took us once, and even though we lived 45 minutes away, we spent the night in a hotel across the highway and had so much fun. I remember naming a section of 6F, with its stretch of sunny blacktop, “Steambath Path.” It’s still there, too. 

• 

  Judge Roy Scream at sunset from my hotel

  Judge Roy Scream, which is a rough ride and beat me up. Once was enough. And I knew it was going to be a rough ride. I only rode it to say I had. 

• Runaway Mountain, which was annoying not being able to see where the coaster was going, and I’m fairly certain it was the same as AW’s Mayan Mindbender.

Other rides I enjoyed:

• Catwoman Whip- 3 times. I used to know this as the Spinnaker. I absolutely love the circular motion taking a rider around and up until you are going upside down over and again. I can practically fall asleep on this ride.

• Shock Wave- 6 times. I remember when this ride opened in 1978 as the tallest roller coaster in the world, and the first with two back-to-back loops. I could have ridden more, but it had me sitting in the sun longer than I liked, waiting for the other train to load. It has a G-force of 5.9, and hits speeds of 60 mph. The manner in which the track rocks is also a little unnerving.

• The Railroad- 5 times. One thing I remember riding with Mom at AW was the train that circled the park. It’s the same experience at 6F, and some of the props are the same from the 80s, like the ghost town with dancing skeletons. It came in handy when my back gave out, and when I got tired of walking across the park at the end of the week. This was an actual train built in PA in the 1800s to work on sugar plantations. 

All aboard the #2

Sky Screamer behind Aquaman

• Texas Sky Screamer- 2 times. I liked this ride, but this was the only time I actually got scared. It earned the Guinness world record as the world’s tallest swing carousel. The rider is lifted 400 feet and swung around at over 40 mph. It was also great for cooling down, especially after getting drenched on Aquaman. But on my 2^nd ride, it was windy and I kept twisting counter clockwise, and something about that scared me. Was I going to twist 180 degrees? And that might cause my swing to shoot off, landing somewhere on the other side of Dallas. I’ll ride again when it’s not windy. 

• 

  Aquaman Power Wave- 2 times. This was a great ride, but you get drenched. I mean d-r-e-enched...to where there was a puddle of water an inch deep between the lap bar and me. I might as well have walked into the swimming pool. It was among the top 10 most anticipated rides for the 2020 season. It’s a short track and you ride backward, forward, back, forward, splash, and done. It reaches a max speed of 62 mph on a 709 foot track with 90 degree angles at each end. Splashing into the water that floods the pool on the last forward fall helps slow the car down. There is no dry section on this ride. You will get soaked. You have been warned. But a great ride it was. 

Huge splash

• Pandemonium- twice. It was my first and last ride. I almost didn’t get to ride it the 2^nd time because it had closed for maintenance. I took a chance and waited in the line forming in the lane. It opened after a 10 minute wait, with half the people giving up and leaving the line. Five minutes later, I was in a car swinging around 360 degrees, while the car navigated a track at 31 mph with a drop of 27 feet. It was a fun ride, but the line was always long.

• Gunslinger- twice. Another classic from when I was a kid. I love going around on swings. This one didn’t go 400 feet into the air, so wasn’t at all scary. It was soothing. 

• 

  The Joker

  The Joker- twice. Another great ride that is tough to endure and always had a long line. It spins while the car travels a short tack of 1,019 feet. It drops 54 feet at 38 mph, and also had long waits. 

• 

  Riddler

  The Riddler- twice. This is another ride I could have done more often, but when it came down to this or Batman/Mr. Freeze, those won out. I didn’t plan to ride Mr. Freeze 7 times in a row in the final hour on 1^st Wednesday, but there was no line, so I just kept going, and never made it over to Riddler as planned. It’s another lovely swinging ride. 

• Sidewinder- 3 times. This classic ride is probably as old as I am, giving me visions of flying off the contraption and landing somewhere in the parking lot. (It's actually older, introduced in 1961.) It was perfect while my aching back recovered. And fun.

• The Oil Derrick- twice. Is anything more iconic to the 6F skyline than this orange tower with views from 300 feet in the air, opening in 1969? After riding up the elevator, you can remain as long as you like. I remember when you could slide on burlap sacks from the 1^st platform, which were removed in 1976. I chose this ride when trying to dry off after Aquaman. My 2^nd visit was the Wednesday that everyone was at 6F with me. Everyone. But I was practically alone up there.

View from the Oil Derrick

• Justice League- twice. Riders travel through Metropolis and shoot digital targets on large 3D screens while twisting and turning through various rooms. You get so engaged in trying to shoot the targets that you start to not notice what a fun ride it is. 

Drenched outside the Hall of Justice

Penguin’s tips: 

• Get to the parking lot around 10:15AM, when they open the entrance on Six Flags Dr. They will open multiple lanes into the lot, so don’t be greedy. Allow other cars to merge if their lane doesn’t open when yours does, and they freak out and want in your lane. They don’t all open at once, and there is enough prime parking prior to 11AM that you don’t need to worry with freaking out if you let others in front of you and being rude. 

• Don’t bother lining up at the entrance gate before they open at 10:45. The park doesn’t open until 11AM, so you’ll just be standing around by the fountain. I sat in my car and then in the shade. After passing security, move to the shortest line, especially if there are two people scanning tickets; move around the first scanner and get in quicker.

• Once inside, before 11AM, most people gather to the right, which leads to Gotham. On slower days, you can ride Mr. Freeze multiple times and still get over to Batman next, and only have to wait 5 minutes. If you want Titan and Giant first, go wait on the left side, near the shop.

• While you wait for the rope to lower, there is one place open for drinks and snacks and a shop. This is a good time to explore the shop. If going to the left, they usually opened the shop door before the rope lowered, if you are in such a rush and need to be first. 

The Batmobile in Gotham

• I don’t know why people rush so fast when they lower the ropes to allow people into the park at 11. There are no prizes for being first to ride any of the rides, and everyone isn’t going to the same ride as you. Slow down and stop pressing between others. It’s just rude.

• There was one place in the whole park that I could find, and I looked, where you can refill your own cups. That is Texas Tacos (13 on the map, in the Texas section, next to Cinnabon). Here is where you’ll find one of the machines you can select all sorts of flavors. I discovered the sugar-free lemonades, but by Sunday they had run out and were not refilled prior to Wednesday. But I enjoyed the orange flavored diet Coke. You can’t get those flavors anywhere else in the park. I didn't see any of these machines at HH.

Superman, Mr. Freeze, Batman, Joker, Riddler, Sky Screamer, Aquaman and more

• There are only 3 places I found where you can sit inside air conditioned dining rooms. Boomtown’s All American Cafe (#5 on the map), which was always packed, and Johnny Rocket’s (11 in Gotham) which is also always packed. Then there is JBs Smokehouse BBQ (7 in Texas section). This is where you want to go. Even on crowded 2^nd Wednesday, it was THE place to dine. Go to the back section. It’s cooler than the front and not well known. And look up at the air vents. Sit yourself under one of these vents and in minutes you’ll be transported to a lovely state of mind, as your sweat and misery dries up. You don’t have to order food there, either. Bring in your tacos, nachos, hot dogs, et. al. and enjoy the coolness.

• If you want to ride over and over again and aren’t solo, consider splitting up. When a ride is over, they will allow you to fill any open seats instead of exiting, as long as you do so quickly. Often, there are only single seats open. There were times I’d be in a car pulling back into the station, and there was a single rider. I’d simply ask if I could go again, and no one ever said no. There were many times I had to leave my car and move to another. Going solo was a great experience for me, because it allowed me to do what I wanted when I wanted. Like riding a ride 8 times in a row.

• Meals are going to cost you at least $17 each, not including drinks. If you don’t have the 2 a day meal plan, buy the meal deal for $22 and get 1 meal, 1 snack and a drink. Upgrade to the all you can drink cup. It’s well worth it.  

Diamond Club wrist band for Hurricane Harbor

• Don’t trust on-line crowd calendars, especially queue times dot com. 12% my ass. Even the day before, that’s what it was forecasting for park attendance. When I looked after getting home, it showed it had been 74%. I should have known something was off when it forecasted the Tuesdays they were closed. Also, ride wait times 6F advertises were never accurate. They may give a general feel for how long a wait is, but it’s never what they broadcast, and they always err in their favor. 

Queue Times showed: 

Wed/11 = 15%  29 rides

TH/12 = 27%   17 rides

Sun/16 = 32%   22 rides

Mon/17 = 38%   16 water rides at HH

Tue/18 (when they were closed) = 29%

Wed/19 = 12% (showed 2% a week prior and 74% the day after)   26 rides

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Falling Into the Sky: An Eclipse Story

 

If Texas has a heart, it would be Lampasas

Eclipse with Avan, Brook and Brenham

 

 

Ruminating on the summers of my youth always brings to mind so many wonderful memories. Spending time with my grandparents on summer break was always dear to me. My paternal grandparents were quite different from my maternal ones. And they lived at opposite ends of Texas.

 

 

The sky during the eclipse

 

Dad’s parents grew up in the hill country of rural Texas. They moved to Corpus before my father was born, so that’s where he was raised. Only now do I appreciate how living through the dust bowl days affected them. They reused everything and were always conservative with their spending.

Mom’s parents married after the war and were twenty-some years younger than Dad’s folks. They lived in the small town of Borger in the Texas Panhandle. Growing up in Houston, I loved being in the small town, especially at night. There were more stars to see, and every summer there were fantastic full moons.

The back yard I loved in Borger, TX

When there was a meteor shower, Poppy set up the recliners in the back yard. He faced them south, away from the house, towards Houston. We polished off a Coke float, and he told me wonderful stories. Sometimes I fell asleep, but he pretended I hadn’t, and when a ‘star’ streaked across the sky, he woke me by exclaiming, “There’s one! Look at it go!” He also taught me that streaking meteors aren’t really falling stars. Poppy was the smartest man I knew.

Dad was smart, as well. My parents divorced before I was two, so I would see him each summer, as well. We always searched the skies together. I attribute my fascination of aviation to when he lived in the Chicago area. We sat outside and watched planes fly overhead to land at O’Hare airport. He made cherry Kool Aid for me, while he sipped gin and tonic. On his back patio we ogled the colorful Braniff planes. There were times I thought I could reach up and grab them from the skies.

The plains outside of Borger

 

 

When I got older, Dad moved to Albuquerque. I used to love hearing Buggs Bunny say, “I shouldn’t have made that left turn at Albuquerque.” Silly rabbit. Summertime in New Mexico meant camp outs, where the sky was vast and dark, full of stars and wonder. Dad pointed out satellites to me. I never knew you could see satellites in space until sitting next to a fire in the middle of nowhere. I would lie on the ground and wish I could fall into the sky, so I could see the stars up close.

When I got to college, I overheard that an awesome professor of Astronomy taught the best class. With promises of enthusiasm and humor in his lectures, and my budding lust for astronomy, I attempted to register for his class. I was crushed that I didn’t meet the prerequisites, but found a loophole that got me in. Astronomy was a difficult and technical course. I struggled, but managed Bs in the two semesters I was in his class. Looking back, it was certainly in the top three of my favorite courses. That was so long ago, some of what I learned has turned out to be untrue.

I’ve always had a special appreciation for the celestial. Blood moons, blue moons, harvest moons. Lunar eclipses, solar eclipses. I recall living in Maryland, and the wonder of looking into the heavens to see Haley’s Comet. I’ve always been a city boy, but the worst part of living in the city is the limited view of the stars at night.

The eclipse seen in the windshield of Brook's car

 

Then I discovered Burning Man, an arts festival in the Nevada desert. I’ve never seen the Milky Way as bright from a moonless desert the week before it opened, miles from artificial light. On my bike, I rode deep into the desert. I turned out the light and peddled in pitch darkness, scared that I might run into something, knowing there was nothing to run into. In total darkness I could hardly see the ground. And Mars was out. Jupiter and Saturn are easy to spot at night. Mercury and Venus can be seen only at dusk, or as the sun rises, since they are between Earth and Sol. But Mars was new to me. And so red.

 I didn’t drive north to see the eclipse totality in 2017, which I regretted after seeing photos and video of it. There have been only three eclipses in Texas in my lifetime, and two during my fourteen years living in California. None of those were total eclipses, and images and video from total eclipses were much more rare in the days prior to everyone owning a smart phone. I had no idea how magical a total eclipse was. There was no way I was going to miss the one in 2024. My home was only three hours away.

Patiently waiting

My brother and his family live in Austin, the part that was going to see a total eclipse. But I wanted as much time as possible in totality, so searched for a place along the center line. The joy I felt when discovering that the center line went right through Lampasas, Texas, just over an hour northwest, in the Texas Hill Country.

Not only would I witness my first total eclipse, but my paternal grandmother grew up in Lampasas. She and my grandfather are there now, in the family plot with aunts, uncles, cousins, and the great-grandfather I never go to meet—a doctor. I was going to experience a total eclipse in the town in which my grandmother grew up and is buried.

I was crushed at seeing the weather forecast. They first thought Texas might have the best chance at clear skies. But a week and half out, the forecast changed to rain and clouds, due to a weather system about to hit the West Coast. I had to come to terms with the possibility of only experiencing the darkness. An eclipse without seeing the sun—they said it was still awesome, but I had a hard time buying it.

 

Great show

There was much fanfare in the weeks leading up to the event. Along with lectures on the dangers of looking at the sun and the value of using solar glasses, there was speculation of massive traffic jams and throngs of spectators. Everyone and anyone was expected to converge on the towns in the path of totality. Schools would close and businesses would shutter. It was this close to being declared an official state holiday, so I assumed my nephews, ages ten and twelve, would be off from school, especially since they both were schooled in the zone of totality.

Not only was I wrong, but my brother informed me that he would not be free from work, albeit, he worked from home. For weeks I envisioned driving to Lampasas with my brother and his family to celebrate the majesty of a total eclipse. None of us had experienced totality. I was relieved that my sister-in-law was interested in joining me.

At the last minute, it was decided that this was the type of event worthy of keeping the boys from school. Expecting huge crowds, we loaded up the car early, and took off for the Hill Country. We rolled into Lampasas with the same amount of traffic one might expect on any given Saturday. I guess the hype scared people away. No worries.

Still unsure of exactly where to go when in Lampasas, I discovered a sculpture park a few blocks from the courthouse. We drove there to find a wonderful park with green grass, shady trees, and sulfur springs flowing into a creek. There was plenty of parking along the road, and an empty tree mere yards away. This we claimed with our chairs, a cooler, and our eclipse glasses.

That morning, the boys were unenthusiastic about the event to where their mother threatened to take them to school after all, even though it meant being late. Once they were in the park on a gorgeous day, they were happy. What made me happy was seeing huge patches of blue sky among all the threatening clouds. If we were lucky, we’d get to see the eclipse after all.

Lampasas during totality

It amazes me that we can predict an eclipse. Even more so, that we know where it will be and at exactly what time. It all went as scheduled. At the foretold time, the moon touched the sun and began to move in between it and us. When it reached the halfway point, I took a walk around the park searching for great photos of crescent shadows.

Then came the time for totality. It got darker and darker. I noticed street lights coming on. There were no animals to witness—not a single person had brought their dog. Brook and I wondered what they would do, and we never got to find out. The clouds moved quickly, at times blocked our view of the sun. But mostly they were thin enough to see the show, as the moon blocked more and more of the sun.

When totality hit, the crowd in the park began to cheer. I wasn’t expecting that, but I loved it and joined in. I removed my glasses to be bowled over by the darkness. It was real. It actually was as dark as night in the middle of the day, just like they said it would be. And there was the moon, wearing the sun like a swim cap. Thanks to the thin clouds, I got some decent pictures, but mostly I left my phone alone and watched. When the sun began to peek out, we put our glasses back on and observed the diamond ring effect. Brook especially enjoyed that. Girls love their diamonds.

 

My shot of the eclipse

 Had I remained in Houston I would not have seen much because of the clouds. As for my brother, the clouds moved in just before totality, so he didn’t get to see it. Providence took us to Lampasas, a special place to me.

 

The boys were elated to have witnessed it, and I was delighted that it was as exciting as their Uncle Penguin promised. If they are anything like me, this celestial event is something they can look back on when they are my age with happy memories. They never got to have one of Poppy’s famous Coke floats, or the opportunity to hear him tell stories at night in his back yard under a sky full of stars. I’m not sure if they ever searched for satellites next to a camp fire. But I know they will never forget the time they saw a total eclipse with their mom and Uncle Penguin in the town by that smelly creek. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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What are you doing tomorrow?

 

When hearing sordid details such as, “She enjoys videos of little people in furry costumes doing it on rainbow-colored waterbeds, while eating chocolate-covered ants,” I follow it up by saying that it sounds like a Tuesday at my house. It’s just something I do with my weird sense of humor. The more absurd the activity, the funnier it sounds.

Curiously, there usually isn’t much of interest happening at my house on any specific Tuesday (sorry, Charlie). Wednesdays is my writer’s group, but on a particular Tuesday in mid March, I was working without that group when I got a call from my friend Derek. If you’ve read my blog from June of 2023: “13^th Floor Field Trip,” you know Derek as the brassy fellow with a flashy car, and a secret penchant for applying scary makeup to his friends. (Sounds like Thursday at my house.)

When he asked me what I was doing tomorrow morning, he did so as if he knew of some merriment taking place. I wasn’t as sure that he was inviting me somewhere as he was going to ask for a ride to the airport, or worse, that he needed help moving. Only good friends are worthy of asking for rides to the airport, but only the best of friends dare ask for help moving. I was weary as I waited to hear why he called, when he normally just texts. It must be important.

It was not only important, it was something fun. He asked if I would stand beside him to witness his marriage to his girlfriend, Jane. You could have knocked me over with a feather. I thought he was joking. It was apparent during the last haunt season that they were dating. He was still chasing people through the haunted house with a chain saw, and she was in charge of security out front.

Jane is a wonderful woman- attractive, smart, and fun to be around. When I heard they were dating, I told him that she was dating down. I’m not sure if he fully understood that I was putting him down, and if I’m wrong, he knows it was in good jest. But he WAS dating up.

He came to me last year with a poem he wrote her and asked for my opinion. I was quite impressed and saw aspects that could be improved upon, but I wanted her to get a poem 100% from him. Instead of making changes, I suggested things such as, “could you maybe rephrase that in another fashion, or instead of using that word, could you find another rhyme that works better?”

He came back with a whole, new poem. I liked the first one well enough, and now he had two. To save time, I decided to combine both of his poems, and felt comfortable making some of my suggested changes from before. After all, the sentiment was his, I just had a better thesaurus and more experience writing poetry.

Derek told me that Jane was more than impressed with his poem. I asked if he mentioned that I assisted, and he said that he mentioned to her that he had received some help from me. It’s no secret that I have three books of poetry published, so it’s almost a given that someone wishing to impress with their own might come to me for my opinion.

Our friend Mark had a party earlier this year. He lives fifteen hours away in Fulshear, Texas. It’s not really fifteen hours, but it might as well be. He drives to our part of town as if he only lived half an hour away. For as often as we go to his place, it might as well be a fifteen hour drive.

At his party, I was talking with Jane and Derek. Thinking that she knew I had lent a hand with his poem, I mentioned it. Derek’s eyes grew as large as armadillos, and I knew I had gotten him in hot water because he lied like a dog. She didn’t know about my input. I felt as tall as a horny toad as I explained that he had done the work, I merely caressed a few extra flowers from his mind to add to his poetry. One thing I can say, he has since then written more poems to her, to which I had absolutely no input, and she loved them.

Here he was, on the phone to ask that I stand beside him as he takes her hand in marriage. I guess I would now be obliged to help him move, with such an honor being bestowed upon me. At the end of the call, he stated he was only inviting a select few, and was not going public with it until after the fact.

Shortly thereafter, I got a call from Mark. He was on the short list and asked when I planned on being at the court house, nearly in Katy, Texas, about ten hours away. Not really, but when told I need to go to Katy, you might as well be asking me to drive for ten hours.

For quite some time, Mark has been laying bets about another couple we know. Our friend Christopher started dating a woman last year, and his relationship posts on line are hot and heavy. Mark is always making comments about their posts decrying their love for one another. Mark asks often, “When do you think they’re going to get married?... I bet they get married real soon…. Did you see what he posted? They’re so in love…. They’re going to get married, I just know it.... When do you think it’ll happen?” He’s like a child at Christmas with his matrimonial enthusiasm.

“I never thought Derek would get married before Christopher,” he said on the phone. “Did you?” he added. I had to admit that I was as surprised at Derek’s call as a forecast high of sixty degrees on a July afternoon in Houston.

The next morning, after my ten-hour drive to the courthouse, I met Mark in the parking lot. Ricky was with me, but neither Derek nor Jane had arrived. Derek arrived soon after, then Jane’s friend Lexi, and finally the bride, herself.

After a tailgate party without the tail or the gate (we just stood in the parking lot chatting for an hour) we followed them inside and down the hall so they could get in line for a license. The four of us there as witness stood to the side as Jane and Derek held hands chatting until called by the clerk. We next waited outside the courtroom in the chairs encircling the lobby. This is when Derek found out that they only accepted cash, meaning he had to go ATM hunting. Mark and I thought it was suspicious that they only accepted cash at a courthouse. “I wonder how much of that actually goes to the county,” Mark said. “I bet the judge gets it all.”

Derek returned with the cash and gave it to the assistant, and she disappeared into the court offices, “And she was never seen nor heard from again…” I joked. And then we waited.

People came and went. We created interesting stories as to why they were at the courthouse that day to keep ourselves entertained. Outside were tables, one protesting something I didn’t care about, the other to sign people up to vote. Having heard Ricky mention he wasn’t registered, I suggested he do so. “Maybe later,” he said. So I went out, got a registration form, and he filled it out. Little is as important as our civic duty to elect the idiots that represent us.

There was another couple waiting to get married, as well. They had no witnesses, but they did have a baby. Mark kept tabs on things, stating, “They came in after us, so they should call Jane and Derek first.” Made perfect sense to me. But that’s exactly why things don’t typically go as I think they should. Things rarely go the way of common sense.

The law clerk emerged from the courtroom. She asked if we were waiting to see the judge. “Yes, ma’am,” we answered, Mark adding, “We’re here for a wedding. The woman was nice, explaining that things didn’t normally take this long, but there were quite a few cases before the judge that day, and the marriages always came after the cases. She apologized for the delay and then disappeared back into the courtroom.

She emerged a few moments later. She looked at Mark, sitting next to me, and asked if we had witnesses. In unison, Mark and I told her that we WERE the witnesses. Laughter ensued when she admitted that she thought he and I were getting married. “Sorry. He’s just not my type,” I quipped.

The other bride and groom were holding their baby and were queried if they had witnesses. Since we did and they did not, she called them in first. We were fine with this, since we were a party of six. Knowing that we were about to enter got us excited.

When it was our turn, they ushered the four of us witnesses into the courtroom. I was impressed at how nice the room was, considering it was a small regional county building. As in most courtrooms, there was a large, wooden desk for the judge. Behind him was a wall of Texas stone framed in the same wood to match the desk. Centered above the judge’s head was the great seal of the State of Texas.

Below the desk with Judge Wolfe’s name plate was a ledge, and on this was a small, white three-tiered wedding cake. Not a real, edible one, mind you. This was only for show. There were two towering sprays of white flowers set up on either side of where the bride and groom would stand. It was much nicer than the civil ceremony of my mother to her second husband that I recall from when I was eight.

The judge welcomed us in and the law clerk remained at the door. She was every bit excited as we were. I could tell that her favorite part of her day at work was bringing in couples to be wed. The judge was kind and we exchanged pleasantries as the final elements were put in place. He explained again the delay, and we responded with our understanding.

We were seated. He was ready. The law clerk indicated that the bride and groom were ready. On the wall to the judge’s left was a flat-screen showing an orchestra. The band began playing the wedding song, also known as the Bridal March. The doors opened and there was the bride and groom.

Queen Victoria started the trend of brides wearing white, but Jane was glowing in a turquoise dress. I nearly cried. She had been given white flowers to hold. Her groom, in his standard black cowboy hat, wore a blue paisley button-down shirt with jeans. We rose and took photos of the loving couple, all smiles and jitters as they progressed towards the judge in his over sized black robes.

It was a fast service- basically, do you? Do you? You’re married. Now kiss. Maybe not quite that quick, but it was a short and lovely wedding. Possibly as long as the engagement.

After the ceremony, the judge came around front to pose for photos. The couple signed their fancy, official-looking certificate, and were instructed to next return to wait once more in the first line, so they could have it formalized by the state of Texas.

 

It was 3PM. We hadn’t planned on lunch, but I was hoping we could do something fun to celebrate. Instead, Derek set us free, rather than having us wait for them any longer. The engagement was short and the civil ceremony was planned for Jane to access the benefits of a military wife, since Derek was about to enter the Navy. We were promised a celebration at a later time. As we left the courthouse, I laughed with Mark that we had spent six hours waiting for a five-minute ceremony.

On the way home, I needed to stop at the grocery store with Ricky. Walking in, we passed Louann from the haunted house, and her husband. In explaining why we were in her part of town, I almost blurted out that we had been to Derek’s wedding, but since Derek hadn’t announced it, I didn’t feel like I should say anything. Now they probably think I was in trouble for having gone to the courthouse down the road. That’s alright. They know what goes down at my house on a Tuesday.

There were quite a few wonderful photos of the day, and I was so eager to share them. Derek said he was going to make an announcement to the group at Hayden’s upcoming birthday party, so I only shared them with those of us who attended the ceremony. It wasn’t an easy thing to keep secret. 

 It felt like Jane and Derek were the last to arrive at the party a week later. Mark and I were so eager to share the good news with everyone; we sat on a couch next to one another practically sitting on our hands not to say anything. There were a few times we almost gave up the secret and were so happy when the newlyweds finally arrived. Mark and I wanted to be behind him so we could see everyone’s reaction to the news.

Derek began by telling everyone that he and Jane had been dating and seeing more of each other recently. Before he got any further, someone blurted out, “When are you getting engaged?” “That’s what I wanted to tell everyone,” he said. “We got engaged last week.”

I looked at Mark who met my gaze of confusion with his own. Derek turned to us with a big smile. “Is that it?” I asked. “Yep,” replied Derek, still smiling. Still unsure that he was keeping it a secret from everyone, I leaned in to ask quietly, “Aren’t you going to tell them the big news?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “I told them.”

“You told them?” I asked again, needing confirmation, and again, looking to Mark for support.

Loudly, he answered, “I told them. Just now.”

“You DO know what engaged means, don’t you?” I asked.

“Yeah,” he said with a goofy laugh. “We’re married.” As the words still lingered in the air, I think it hit him. “Oh, well. Yeah…” He turned back to the group, barely paying attention to him at this point, “Sorry. We got MARRIED.” Then he spun around with that smile again, “See. I told them.”

All I could do was shake my head and look at Mark. “At least we don’t have to keep it a secret,” Mark said, looking deflated like a balloon, the excess air finally let out.

Back in the day, a small piece of toast was placed in wine glasses to absorb any unpleasant flavors, and to soak up sediment, which is why we “toast” when we drink. There was an elaborate spread of food for the birthday boy, Hayden. I didn’t see any toast, but everyone was happy, and there were glasses raised to the bride and groom.

It was a wonderful party and everyone was having a blast. If not that it was a birthday party, it could very well have been a great reception. He could have asked family to stand beside him. But if you ask me, there’s nothing like chosen family. Jane and Derek are a wonderful couple and I’m happy to have been asked to witness his special day. Wednesday at my house.

 

 

Lexi, Jane, Derek, Penguin, Mark, Ricky

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