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| One of my random photos |
Written 7June2022
Today is the 1st anniversary of the passing of my grandmother, Itsy. For weeks I planned to honor her memory with a rite. The last few rituals I have had ended with experiences that are difficult to explain away as coincidence. Regardless, I still struggle with what I believe happens after we die. Do we continue having interactions with the living on this side of the veil? If so, for how long? What else does one do on the other side? How do they get around? So many questions.
The reason I felt lousy is that I ran out of one of my medications prescribed by my neurologist as I struggle with post covid issues. For a myriad of reasons, I had not taken this med in about 4 or 5 days. My feeling so bad the past 3 days is from the withdrawal of stopping cold turkey. Yesterday, while picking up the refill, it was the pharmacist who informed me of this. Needless to say, I took one of the pills in my car before the half-mile drive home.
Relief was felt within an hour and that’s when I decided that I was in the mood to exercize the rite as planned. As I’m getting things ready—finding candles and grabbing a familiar object, which in this case was a deck of cards that belonged to Itsy—I was having a discussion with my deceased mother as I tend to do. I had asked her on the 2nd anniversary of her death, last March, to show me a sign. Anything similar to signs described in the Tyler Henry series, “Life After Death,” would do.
When I moved into this house, there was a box turtle in my back yard. There was also a cat on my roof. I found them interesting to discover and knew I was going to like it here. I never saw the turtle again. The cat, however, still enjoys being on my roof on occasion. After hearing a tale on TV about a woman giving her sister a sign from the other side, in the way of a very rarely seen, in that part of the world, cardinal. It was said on the program that things like this happen often as signs from the other side. So I asked Mom if it might be possible to show me a sign in the form of that box turtle not quite 3 months ago. Not necessarily the same turtle, but let me see a turtle. Just a simple turtle in my back yard and that would be her sign. And then I told a few others that I had done so, in case it really happened.
This was conversation I was having with Mom as I prepared for Itsy’s rite. “Well, Mom. I’ve not seen any turtles. Not that I don’t blame them. It’s been so hot. Even I wouldn’t want to be in my back yard in this heat.” I do miss hearing her voice in response.
My bedroom was dark, as is the space I keep my ritual tools. I reached in for the items necessary. As I did so, I came across something in the darkness. What is this? Taking hold of it, I moved to the window and into the light, to see what it was. It was a hat pin, with one of those brass clasp-type backings. I turned it over. It was a turtle. With my back yard right behind it, I was looking at a freaking turtle. I smiled. I chuckled. Then cried. I think I got my sign.
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| The turtle pin |
It didn’t appear from thin air. That pin is familiar to me, but normally I keep it with similar items in a box. I don’t recall leaving this out, and if I did, it was subconsciously. It belongs in that box. There was never a need for me to remove. If there was, I wouldn’t have left it where I found it. But the timing. After speaking out loud about the turtle, it wasn’t a minute later that I was holding one.
The rite was more
simple than most. Partly because I lost much of the day withdrawing
from psychopathic drugs, but also, Itsy’s spirituality was not as
close to mine as was my mother’s. I didn’t feel it was necessary
to be as complex as Mom’s rites. Simple would be best.
For this ritual, I placed a photo of Itsy and her beloved husband, Poppy, on my coffee table. A candle was lit and I cast a circle of protective energy. Next, I invited the elements (water, air, fire, earth) as guardians, and lit a 2nd candle. I looked at the clock and saw that it was almost the exact time that Itsy passed one year ago. Now that, I am sure, is coincidence. Maybe.
As I fought back tears recalling aloud fond memories of my grandmother, and mentioning the things I missed about her the most, I picked up her deck of cards. Was it me? Did I feel her presence? Did I perceive it only because I was thinking about her so much? I really did feel like she was in the room. I detected that Poppy was there, too. And Mom. I asked Itsy if she would like to pick a card, remembering out loud how I loved playing cards with her, wishing we had done so more often. I held out the deck and thumbed them from one side to the other and discerned when appropriate to stop. Without looking, I placed that card down. It was the 7 of hearts. Meaning?
Today was June 7th. OK. That could be a coincidence, pulling a 7 on the 7th of June. Hearts, representing my love for her, was 1 out of 4 chances. Not feeling overwhelmed with proof, I pressed on.
Next, I asked Poppy if he would like to pick a card. I repeated the process, again, feeling the time to stop and placed a card down. This was the 5 of clubs. I said out loud, well, I do think of you when I’m in my garden, recalling how you would use one to kill the bagworms on the bushes. Not to mention our frequent visits to the country club and it was at his house I learned what club soda was. I wasn’t sure what the 5 represented. Again, nothing to see here.
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| The cards exactly how they were placed |
Wondering if Mom was present, I laughed, saying aloud, “At least I’m not asking you to pick out letter tiles again. Just pick a card, Mom.” (Twice previously, I picked out random Scrabble tiles with her to find them making sense.) She stopped me at the Jack of clubs.
What? Why? I had some work to do, curious if these cards actually made any sense at all. Perhaps there was something I was missing. Thinking about the 7 and attributing that to Itsy’s deathaversary, perhaps that was the key to unlocking the secrets. But I couldn’t make sense of the Jack of hearts as relating to the day Mom died.
My mother and I shared a special sense of humor and I loved her laugh. As I stared at the card she supposedly chose, I could sense her flustered tone; nearly hearing that laugh. Did I mess up? Did you? I sensed something. Are you saying I should give you a second chance? I wasn’t sure, but what would it hurt? As I blindly placed the 10 of clubs next to the Jack from round 1, it dawned on me that the Jack is also the 11th card of the suit. How interesting that I would randomly draw 2 cards of sequential order. (I really need to play cards more often.)
It dawned on me: Mom died on the 11th day of March. Drawing the 10 was simply her reminding me of this fact. Duh. And the club was probably to emulate her father. Was Poppy’s five also representative of the day he died?
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| A screen shot of my phone |
I recalled that Poppy died on Memorial Day, the same year I was hired at the airlines. Knowing the date, I snatched up my phone to look it up, typing: Memorial Day in the year 2000. If it was the fifth... The first thing that came up: “Memorial Day in 2000 is on Monday, May 29 (fifth Monday of May).”
I got chills. I asked 3 people on the other side to pick 3 different cards and each card corresponded to the day they died. Is it serendipity? There is no card for the 29th, so the 5th Monday made sense. Especially with the phone being as specific as including that it was the 5th Monday. (Memorial Day is held the last Monday of the month, so there is that chance it would correspond.) That’s an awful lot of coincidence going on right there.
In wrapping things up, I prepared a simple feast, consisting of a few cashews (Itsy loved cashews) and some olives I recently brought back from Spain (Poppy loved olives). I included a slice of cheese basically because I love cheese. Especially this cheese, for being infused with truffles. Finally, a glass of Itsy’s favorite wine- Cabernet.
Just as in Mom’s rituals, each item I put in my mouth tasted so rich; almost as if it was the most fresh, the most tasty… it was as if I had not eaten these in a very long time. But when I placed the cashews on the plate earlier, I asked Alexa to put them on my shopping list—I was almost out. Is it possible they were tasting this simple feast through me? Even the cheese had been opened for weeks, with only 2 servings left. I half expected to find it growing mold. Also, it felt like I had not tasted anything for at least a year.
The rite over, I started to put things back in place. The photo of Itsy and Poppy was returned to the side table next to my couch, which is just next to a photo of Mom, and behind a small dish. The dish belonged to Itsy and is one of the numerous items of hers in my home. On the bottom of the dish, it reads, “A mother holds your hand for a while and your heart forever.”
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| A mother holds your hand for a while and your heart forever |
Remember? She drew the 7 of hearts.
What do you think? Circumstance? True contact? Open to interpretation.
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